Project Rice

Olympus E-1 ,Olympus Zuiko 14-54mm f/2.8-3.5 Digital: 1/400s f/3.4 at 48.0mm iso200

Bonita & Chin-Chin Photographed January 7, 2006 on the Island

I was told a few days ago that Baby Chin Chin has died.

Last Friday night when I was struggling with my headcold, I tried going to bed early, but couldn't sleep and ended up taking the motor out for a spin, and ended up at Melo's restaurant in town where I found Bonita for the first time since I left in March 2006.

She was smiling but still just talking jibberish, and 5 minutes into the conversation I asked how baby Chin Chin was doing, and the waitress spun around to me & told me the baby died a few months back, and I almost fell off my chair - I was completely stunned and very much saddened.

I told Bonita I was so sorry, and Bonita began asking me "where's my baby..."?

I didn't know what to say, and waitress Sheryln quietly told me the baby died of malnourishment - and tears came into my eyes, and I found myself angry at the same time, but I didn't say anything to Bonita (she's mentally ill)

I excused myself & drove home, and the next day I was told by others that Chin Chin did in fact die like that, and later that night I opened my laptop & went into the baby's image files from last January when I shot dozens & dozens of frames - I had Phil Collins "We wait & we Wonder" music playing & I remember crying as I got Chin Chin's images into Photoshop to edit for this post....I would look at his image on the monitor, shake my head & say "I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry..."

I has tears in my eyes for the next 2 nights about this, and you have to remember this is a baby we bought Rice for, bought baby clothes for last December for Christmas gifts (the baby had nearly nothing, so we went to the Mercado & got clothes & hats (Bonita never had a hat for Chin Chin & just covered his little head with underware) and even bought some dresses for Bonita, and we found both of them in Church on Christmas Eve and I was so happy to give them their special package, etc.

Now I find myself angry, and who do I get angry with - and is it really any of my business anyway?
...I've seen Bonita in passing 2 days this week, but did not stop to talk to her; I'm not sure how I feel about speaking with her now - I've got to get more information on things before I can sort things out in my head where it concerns her, but I'm still (explitive deleted) ******* angry, and I'm just trying to deal with knowing a sweet child I looked forward to seeing, buying food for & photographing again this month has now died.

Rest in Peace Little One - I miss you now.
PJAMES